I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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