I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
