Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
