they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
