I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
