Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
