I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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