I molested 6 butterflies tonight
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
