3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
