last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
