WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
