you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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