She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize