As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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