Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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