i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize