and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
