She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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