A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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