I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
