I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
