I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
