The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
