oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
