i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
