I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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