the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
