Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
