it's not cheating when I paid for it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
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They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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