his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
wow bdsm is so cute
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
