If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
