I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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