I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
