Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
