It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
