I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
