I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
