Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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