I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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