I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
