I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The air was thick with penises
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
