a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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