Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
