you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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