I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
