she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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