Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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