woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
