we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
