Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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