frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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