I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
