Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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