Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
