You can't special order awesome
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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