"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
