I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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