Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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