So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
