I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
