the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
